that's how it ends
I had a very nice slow afternoon. I'm home, it’s chilly outside and the sky is as gloomy as ever. I wore my pajama dress, it’s baby pink, my mum gave it to me. Being idle for so long on a holiday makes me contemplate a lot of things. Including what happened a few months back.
I think the past 5 months were the lowest point of my life (am I being so dramatic? Idk) at least that’s what I felt, I felt so hopeless. I never knew how hard it was to get over someone until yesterday I saw myself struggling, I'm sorry for myself hahaha. I told my bestfriend that I just broke up and she advised me to delete everything about him, block him and forget him. But I didn't, my stupidity and my fragile soul could never.
But anyway, imo it’s better if i could get over it by taking wisdom instead of forgetting. Maybe I can be a better version of myself when I'm dealing with the same issue. Because I do, wanna learn from the things that happened, after all. I don't wanna suffer from the same illness again. I try to learn and take this pain wisely. Even so, these days I still feel the ache in my chest. I'm not done with this yet, that’s why i write this. I'm convincing and healing myself.
As I grew up, I discovered that our present builds who we are in the future, and our past builds who we are today. Days and nights that I spent with him, our experience that we shared together, and our habits also have built who I am today. It contributed good and bad inside me. If I just forget him then it’s like I'm gonna forget a part of me. Feels so unfair.
If you don't like the way I try to move on, that's okay. But I still remember him. Not as a lover, not as someone I wished would return, but rather as a story I wanna learn.
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